Sometimes, I really, really dislike my partner.
Now, don't go and get all jumpy on me. I love her, that goes unsaid, but always there.
But, occasionally, I dislike her.
She's been on Spring Break all week as has my daughter and I've worked the whole week with the exception of leaving early on Wednesday to meet her at Nebraska Furniture Mart to buy new mattresses for all of our beds. We'd noticed that the mattresses are all sagging and decided to just bite the bullet and replace them. This means that we bought a new twin mattress for the guest room in the attic, full sized mattresses for our bedroom and our guest room and another twin mattress for Liv. We do have a pull out sofa in the basement that is used occasionally, but it is just going to have to wait. It was not all that fun, although we did end up spending some major bucks.
So..the rest of the week has pretty much been her own. Liv is old enough now that she doesn't need babysitting.
This was Bing's list of things that she was going to do:
1) Clean all my junk piles up and get piles ready to take to Goodwill.
2) Get the lawn mower cleaned and mow the yard. (YES! It is already needing a good mow...this wacky ass weather...)
3) Fix the fridge. It leaks from the ice maker.
4) Take apart the candy dish that we bought at Goodwill for a friend's housewarming gift and clean all the parts and make it shine like new.
5) Get us all tickets for The Hunger Games for Saturday morning.
6) Make room in the garage for the old mattresses and box springs since the new ones will delivered on Sunday.
7) Buy Maria and Liv new ipads. (She already has one and had promised us that if we just let HER buy the ipads, she can use her Apple discount and get all kinds of free shit on them to boot.)
8) Change the oil on my van and Maria's car.
9) Meet up with old flame from high school who has moved to our city for lunch.
This is what she managed to do:
1) Made a TINY dent in her junk piles. One sack for Goodwill. 1/4 of a point.
2)Instead of getting the lawn mower cleaned, she bought a new one even though the old one is only two years old. I didn't comment because I don't mow the lawn. She didn't mow the lawn but asked our tree trimmer guy to do it since it was late Friday and she still hadn't gotten around to it.
3) Fixed the fridge! YEAH! ONE POINT.
4) Hasn't touched the candy dish except to take it apart and leave all the parts sitting on the dining room table ALL WEEK.
5) Purchased the tickets. One point!
6) No work on making room in the garage. I know her like the back of my hand, she will end up doing this early Sunday morning, ten minutes before the new ones arrive. She will end up knocking over something and breaking it and then getting mad and yelling at Liv or me who about something that is totally unrelated because she is cranky that she procrastinated. Or...she will try to talk me into letting her put the old mattresses against the dining room wall since they will be leaving for the dump soon. (If I let her do this, the mattresses will sit there for weeks, I know this. I know HER.)
7) No new ipads. She will look up guiltily every time she plays on her brand spanking new one, though.
8) Oil wasn't changed on either vehicle.
9) Met up with the old flame but was very quiet when I asked her how it went. ("Well, she looked really, really dykey and she was kind of chunky. I showed her your photo and she remarked that I must still like those snotty looking girly girls." When I bristled, she said, "God, it isn't ALWAYS about YOU, Maria." I asked her if she defended me and she said, "I dunno. It wasn't like we talked nonstop about YOU.")
So, I felt mad all day long. I get sooo tired of her so seldom following through. I do know that her butt cheek and leg have been aching, so I am willing to cut her some slack. But, GOD...I really think she could have done better, you know?
Because the truth is that I am the one that gets things done, she isn't. I almost always get my lists done. She rarely does. So, a big star for me.
But, I tend to get really, really annoyed at procrastinators. This is probably because I am not the most laid back person. I work full time and raise a child and keep a marriage going. If I didn't follow through, everything would fall apart.
But, would it? Really? I say yes. And it's my blog and I'm the boss.
This morning, she annoyed the HELL out of me by getting in the shower right when I needed it. Now, I AM THE ONE WHO HAD TO GET TO WORK. So, WHY was SHE hogging the shower?
I sucked it in and even though I have a morning system, I changed it up. Instead of making the bed AFTER my shower, I did it before. I gave myself my insulin even though I do that AFTER my shower.
FINALLY, she was done. I got in and thought I saw someone sitting on the toilet right next to the shower. I peeked out and it was her. Reading a magazine. And you know...SHITTING.
Smelling up the bathroom when I was in the shower and we have FIVE bathrooms in the house. She could have easily used the one that is off of our bedroom. Or the one in the attic bedroom. Or the one off the guest room downstairs. Or the first floor bathroom. But, no. She plopped herself down and had her constitutional in my showering bathroom. She was done before I was and had the gall to call, "I put the lid the down, just flush it when you get out, ok?"
I still kept my mouth shut. I dressed in my work clothes and went down stairs where she already had the morning news blasting. She is usually gone to work when I get downstairs and Liv and I like SILENT MORNINGS. We don't even turn on the radio. Nada. Peace and quiet to start our day.
So, the television was blaring and I had to start my day looking at Newt's smarmy face and listen to his even smarmier voice as he was interviewed. Ugh. Still..I kept my mouth shut.
Then, Bing comes up to me and says not what she SHOULD be saying; I am so sorry that I pooped while you were showering. And I promise that I will get each and every one of the chores on my list done today, my queen. Can I do anything at all for you? Would you like me to prepare you an omelet breakfast, dearest?
She is holding a wash cloth. It is the one that I used in the shower, wrung out and left draped over the side of tub like I always do.
"Maria, this was dripping on the bathroom floor. You really need to learn to wring out wash cloths better."
All my anger came bubbling up to the surface.
I kind of wanted to call her a fucketty fuck face but I didn't. Because I am just so much better than that. Instead, I said, "I don't want to talk to you right now. Could you just TRY to get ANYTHING on your list done? And what the hell are you up so early for? Is it to get your CHORES done?"
She gave me her martyr look and said, "Maybe you should just not talk to me AT ALL."
So, I shrugged and ignored her. Left without saying goodbye. And then, yes, okay...I worried on the way to work that she would be hit by a bus or something and my last memory would be that I was snippy to her. But, then I consoled myself by thinking that she was probably not giving me a second thought, so I wouldn't give her one either. I went to work.
And felt crabby all day long. Especially at lunch time when I knew she was lunching with her old high school flame. And really, what the hell did she need to move HERE for? I pictured her looking like Joan Jett and having a deep sexy voice and asking Bing if she wanted to touch her there. Yeah, there. There. There. Where? There. And Bing would think about what a crab she was married to and decide that yes, she did want to touch her there.
When I pulled into the driveway when I got home, I saw that the lawn had been mowed and I was pleased. She couldn't have been touching anywhere THERE for too long if she mowed the lawn...
And when I walked into the kitchen, Bing was standing by the fridge, holding it open to show me that not only was it fixed, but also cleaned. The weird sour milk smell that has been there for the last month was gone.
I smiled. Asked her how the chore list went. She shrugged and changed the subject. I inwardly sighed and told myself to just chill. At least she had done ONE THING.
That was when I asked her about her lunch and she told me what the flame had said when she saw my photo.
And now I am back to feeling mad, although we have both agreed to not fight and try to be nice to each other, agreeing that it usually works for us to fake it until we can feel it again.
Plus, it is better for Liv to have two parents who are kind to each other.
But, inside I am sort of screaming:
WHERE IS MY NEW IPAD?
WHY DIDN'T YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN MY CAR?
WHY DID YOU HAVE THE YARD GUY MOW? FIFTY BUCKS SPENT!
WHY IS THERE ONE PUNY BAG FOR GOODWILL?
WHY IS THE GARAGE NOT CLEANED UP TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE MATTRESSES?
WHY IS THE CANDY DISH STILL TAKEN APART AND ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE?
HOW DARE THAT FUCKING FLAME SAY I LOOKED SNOTTY! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER THAT I AM NOT SNOTTY, THAT I AM PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY?
So, do you ever just want to haul off and throw something at YOUR SPOUSE?
I need to know that I am not that much of a bitch and that you are very sure that Bing DIDN'T want to touch the flame there. Yeah, there. There.